Friday

   Mom, or maybe dad. When you read this, I'll probably be dead. I'm sorry.

I'm looking down the barrel of dad's pistol and I can't help but wonder how this happen. It's ludicrous but that is the underlining thought in my mind. It wasn't supposed to go this far. When shit started to hit the fan Monday, I figured I would just wait it out. See if I was just stressed or something. I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't have waited so long. Then maybe Harvey wouldn't be dead. He wouldn't be dead and your little girl wouldn't be minutes away from blowing her brains across the cellar walls.

I'm not sure what started it. Maybe I ate something and it was tainted, like in a zombie movie. Some government secret bio-weapon sneaked its way into my sub. Or it could just be a ticking time bomb finally caved in my brain. A chemical reaction that spread, driving my insane. I don't know. If you figure it out, make sure to tell my story. Please. I don't want to be remembered for what I did to Harvey. I want to be remembered as your daughter, as the girl who did alright in school and hosted the prom party. The girl who took riding lessons. I want to be remembered as the kid who drew a picture mom was so proud of, she framed it.

I don't want to be thought of as the sister who murdered her own brother.

After lunch on Monday, I went back to the store. It must have been around two, and there were two girls going through the jeans rack. When they asked to use the change rooms, I unlocked the doors and went back to the counter. I don't know, maybe I thought they were taking too long. I went back and was going to knock on their door and see if they needed anything. I couldn't believe what I was hearing so I stole a peek through the seam of the door.

They were fucking. Sorry mom, or maybe dad. By this point, I don't think your little angel really needs to watch what she says. What I saw wasn't love or romantic. The girls were stark naked in the change room, fist deep in each other. To the wrist. There was blood on the lips of their pussies and they were making out like dogs in heat.

Flustered, I hurried back to the till, dreading having to make eye contact with them. I knew the moment would be awkward for me, despite not getting spotted. An hour passed. Then another. After many customers, I went back and tiptoed to the door. What I saw made me scream.

One of the girls was lying dead on the floor. Her stomach was torn open. The other girl had pulled the guts out and was fucking herself with it. She had a torn end of the intestine pushed in and was coming like mad.

I screamed. I ran. You know that part already, mom. Or dad. You know about how I claimed I saw something in the change rooms. How the security guard and a police officer came.

And you know already about how they found nothing. Charlene sent me home early. Told me to get some rest.

That was Monday.

I awoke Tuesday after having a horrible dream. Even now, with the gun pressed against my chin, I can't recall it clearly. There were crying babies in the dark and I felt a sharp pressure against my ass. I think there was a skull and I remember feeling incredibly sad. When I sat up in my bed, I had pissed myself. That's why I hid the bed sheet. You'll find it in the corner of the laundry room. It's under the old wash sink, in a box.

The shower was weird too. That's why I chose to stay home. I wasn't sick. I stayed home because during the shower, I did something with the shower head I had never done before. I don't think I even meant to do it. It just happened. As if I wasn't myself. And no, I'm not talking just masturbation. Let's be mature mom, or dad. I'm nineteen. I've gotten off in the shower before. Only this time, it was very different.

I felt so dirty after. Disgusted with myself. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. I was embarrassed and didn't go in to work.

Katy called in the afternoon and invited me to meet her and some of the guys at the park. I wasn't going to but in the end I needed to get out of the house. I wanted to get away, to be with friends. I should have stayed home.

Walking down the street, I knew immediately things were off. The sky was a weird purple colour without a single cloud in the sky. A plane passed far overhead and I could have sworn I thought I saw fire. As if the plane was burning up. I could almost hear the screams.

When I walked passed Mrs. Richard's house, her front curtains were open. I could swear I saw her running through the living room, being chased by two men in ski masks. She was naked. I think they meant to rape her. I know it's stupid to ask, but please check in on her.

At the stop lights, I waited. Down the road was a parked car and the windshield looked coated in blood. From inside came this terrible scream. I hesitated but finally approached it. I was horrified to confirm that the front window was indeed splattered in blood and more. I walked up and pressed my face against the passenger side.

There were so many babies. All small, naked babies of different gender and race. Each one was coated in gore and crying so loudly, writhing around like larva. I was sickened and panicked. I ran away crying. I don't know where I wandered off to, I was lost. Everyone I passed seemed to be smiling at me. Leering faces watching me go by. I realized I was naked.

I ran through the neighbour's yards. That's why Mr. Green called, asking if I was alright. I didn't say anything mom, or dad. By this point I knew something wasn't right and I just wanted to hide in my room. I should have told you. I'm sorry. I just wanted to hide.

Wednesday started fine. I figured I was better then. Even sat down and played Wii with Harvey. Thank you for asking me and I wasn't lying when I said I was alright. I even figured I would go to work on Thursday. I didn't think I had to bring anything up.

Just before noon, while you guys were out, Harvey and I were watching television. He loved SpongeBob. Oh god. I'm so sorry.

I heard the sirens outside. When I went to check, I told him to stay inside. There were so many sirens. Police or fire trucks. Ambulance. I'm not sure. They were coming from everywhere and the sky was a bright orange. I got quite scared and hurried back inside. I thought there was an emergency or something. Maybe a nuclear bomb or some horrible thing like that. I got Harvey and we hid in the spare room downstairs. I don't know, maybe I thought we would be safe there. He was terrified. I didn't tell him anything. I simply told him we had to hide. I'm not sure why I did. He listened, like a good little brother.

Lying under the bed, we waited. And this isn't easy to admit, but I started to touch myself. Inside my pants. Harvey didn't notice at first but as I got louder, he turned to me. Having him watch made it go faster. I had an orgasm while Harvey watched. He seemed both confused and troubled. Scared even. He didn't know what to do or say. I don't think he understood what I had just done beside him. Then I threw up.

That's why Harvey told you I was sick. He didn't comprehend that I had fingered myself beside him. He maybe thought that I was just being ill, that the convulsive grunts were part of it.

I don't blame you for asking me, mom and dad. I guess if my daughter had a few days of weird moments and then a sudden sickness, I would think pregnancy too. I've had sex but I always make them wear a condom. Just the two you've met. Again, I don't blame you for thinking that. I wish I had agreed with you guys. I should have gone to the hospital.

That night, I fell asleep on the couch. You guys were in the kitchen. I don't know. I doubt it now that it actually happened. I saw you, mom. Under the table, giving oral to dad. I didn't say anything. I couldn't. I feel so awful for saying this but for some reason I can't explain, I was so jealous. I wanted to be under the table. I wanted to taste him. I wanted to give head to dad.

I know that's not me. I know that I would never think to do that, mom. I was just so overcome with hate and envy I had visions of cutting your head off. I really wanted to cut your head off. I think now that if I hadn't rushed upstairs to my room, I would have. I wanted to take the kitchen knife and do it.

I'm sorry but I need to tell you this. I have to explain every little detail. I wanted to kill you, mom. I wanted to give you head, Dad.

That night I awoke some time around two. I left the house.

I went down to the neighbour's house. Jim's house. I pressed my bare breasts against the patio window and defecated on his lawn. I urinated in his bird bath and washed my face with it.

When I woke up in my bed, I was bleeding from my vagina and smelled piss on my face. I rushed and took a shower. By this time, I considered going to see a doctor. I called the clinic. You guys don't know this. Doctor Lyle wasn't in and I had to wait until today to go see him.

I figured I could hold out for one more day. It turned out that was going to be one of the worse yet.

I tried to look up mental conditions on the Internet but every time I did a search or something, I found myself on a porn site. Not just any kind of porn site either. These were rape fantasies or extreme bondage. I can't distinguish fake and reality anymore but if you see them in the browser history please understand that it wasn't intentional. I kept trying to search for medical information. After a while, I just gave up and looked at the porn.

I lied when you guys asked me how I was feeling. I shouldn't have agreed to watch Harvey.

He really wanted to go to the playground that afternoon. I almost snapped at him then. Remembering how it made me feel to see you and dad in the kitchen, I took Harvey to the park. The walk seemed simple enough, though the sky was a blood red this time. I was so hot but Harvey was not. I kept complaining about it, offering anything just to go back home. Passing a backyard, I saw a dog through the fence. He was chewing at an arm. A cat lay dead beside it.

I knew that it was all in my mind. I kept trying to ignore it and it kept getting worse. I saw a man running down the side walk on the other side of the street. He was naked, dick flopping around. He was carrying a bloody axe. In someones yard, a woman stood in her house robe smoking, tits out. She was pouring gasoline on a pile of children. Three boys. She dropped the cigarette, igniting them and herself. She seemed so bored. At the lights, we waited. A man on the other end stepped out before a bus. It didn't stop when it hit him. He was smiling at me moments before it happened.

At the park, I stayed near a tree and watched Harvey play. He was climbing the slide. A girl was chasing him and I really wanted the hit her. I kept imagining what it would be like to stomp on her head until it was nothing more than pulp. I wanted Harvey to have sex with the body after.

When I started crying, I called out to Harvey.

I didn't say anything when I got home. Harvey didn't even notice there was something wrong with me. I'm sure he would have. I should have come to you mom, or dad. I should have told you guys about the things I've been seeing.

Staring at myself that night in the bathroom mirror, I thought I had figured it out.

I was in Hell. I was in Hell and this new world would be forever. An endless barrage of twisted visions and feelings, or sex and violence. I knew that I was in Hell , that I had died somehow on Monday and would suffer for all eternity.

I shaved my vagina and masturbated with mom's perfume bottle.

That night I couldn't sleep. I was scared to. I lay in bed all night listening to the voices. They were coming from the darkness. I cried but they never went away. They said things. Horrible things. They called me names and whispered to me. They told me to do terrible acts on everyone. I couldn't stop them.

Today, you guys left early. I don't even remember agreeing to watching Harvey.

This morning, I stuck a fist in my ass and purposely broke a tooth.

I'm so sorry mom, and dad. I'm terribly sorry. I wasn't myself from the moment I got out of bed. I don't know what this is, this sickness. I'm truly in Hell. I've lost my mind, myself, somewhere before the events on Monday. I've become something I am not and you know, you know I would have never hurt Harvey. It's not me. It's the Devil. His inside my head and he won't get out. I'm no longer your daughter. I'm no longer human.

I'm a monster.

I watched Harvey play Wii for a bit before I finally did it. I told him to lie down on the couch. He thought it was a game. I told him to touch me and he wasn't sure what to do. I helped him. I helped him touch me and made him penetrate me. I made him take his pants off. He started crying when I put him in my mouth. I couldn't make him hard. That only got me angry. I started pulling at it until he was wailing. He ran from me. To his bedroom.

I was carrying dad's hammer when I crept up the stairs.

I wish I could say he didn't suffer. He did. I'm so sorry. I kept him alive for so long. Why did you guys have to leave him with me? Why did you? He could have been alive right now. He could have still been downstairs, watching SpongeBob. He could have still been a little boy being chased by girls at the playground. He's dead, bitch! He's dead and you left him with me. You left him with the Devil.

I broke his ribs and tore out his tongue. You guys won't find it because I ate it. His penis is in dad's sock drawer. His eye is in the fish tank. One of his testicles is still jammed in my vagina. I don't know for sure what I did with the arm. Check the dryer downstairs.

I'm just glad I never left the house today. Outside, there were screams. They surrounded the house. Men, women and children. Crying babies. They were screaming from an outside that was crimson red. I passed a wolf in the kitchen and he was humping a dead woman. On the television was a priest ejaculating blood on an infant's face. A man was banging at the living room window, the head of a horse in his hand.

And me?

I'm on the couch, writing this. Dad's gun in my hand.

I'm sorry mom, and dad.

I'm so sorry.

Goodbye.

--------------

Any comment or feedback is welcome.